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Posts Tagged ‘peace’

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

The first time I picked up my bible after Gabriel was diagnosed with cancer, this was the verse I turned to.  God extended his loving hand of grace and comfort and gave me the words to carry me through this journey.  Honestly while at the hospital I felt strong and courageous.  I did not feel fear.

Yet, since we’ve been home, there are time when I feel weak, I feel discouraged, I feel like there is so much responsibility placed on Chet and my shoulders that I could just be crushed under its weight.

I suppose that is part of the emotional roller coaster.

Even though I have fully placed my faith in God from the moment I received that life altering telephone call, I’m finding that I am more and more trying to be in control.  I’m trying to take the reins and assert my authority and control what I cannot.  God has been gently nudging me and whispering in my conscious, reminding me that I am not the one in control.  I have a difficult time accepting that, but I am sometimes reminded that I need to just let go.  The burden is truly easier to bear when I’m not pretending that I have some sort of say in the ultimate outcome.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJ)

I’ve carried that verse with me for many years, yet it is oh so easy for me to fall back and try lean on my understanding, use my understanding, knowledge and skills to influence the outcome of things I just don’t have any business trying to influence.  The times when I totally surrender my heart to God and let him control, he does amazing and wonderful things.

Yet, I am human, stubborn and a slow learner.  I fall back to my ways.

So, I’m remembering right now the peace, calm and joy I felt when I fully surrendered Gabriel to God and left his care, health and outcomes in the hands of God.  I’m recalling the peace I felt trusting that God will guide the physicians to provide the best care for him.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

I know the sense of God’s wholeness and how through Him, your heart will be settled.  Thus, it’s time to let go of this worry.  I am giving it up.  I’m giving up my hearts insistence on knowing what the next treatment cycle for Gabriel will be.  I’m giving up feeling like I have control over the extent of leukemia cells which still are present throughout Gabriel’s body.  I’m giving up my futile efforts to change what cannot be changed.  I am lifting those concerns, worries and concerns to God and instead replacing those weights and burdens with the love and peace which I am assured through the love of Jesus.

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