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Posts Tagged ‘cancer sucks’

Sorry about the long silence.  This weekend was a bit long and filled with emotions.

Gabriel tolerated his last chemotherapy treatment extremely well.  We are so fortunate to have him do so well and not suffer the nausea and other ill effects of the drugs.

Gabriel was also loosing a lot of hair.  It was all over his head, not really in clumps just yet, but it getting in his eyes and mouth and all over everything, so we finally convinced him to clip his hair very short.

Man, that was difficult, really difficult.  The short hair combined with the round face from the prednisone just really hit me hard.  Gabriel just now really looks sick, and that just hurts my heart.

Gabe’s appearance even hit him hard this weekend.  He came downstairs later that day and was upset saying that he didn’t look like himself.  He’s right, he doesn’t look like himself.  We both had a good cry.  Gabe cried because he just is struggling with how he looks and feels.  I cried because I can’t change what he’s dealing with, I can’t take the pain away, I can’t do a whole heck of a lot.  Rebeka joined us crying because we were crying, until she head butted me in the nose and I pushed her off the chair (I know, I’m a bad mommy who had the knee jerk reaction) and then she was crying because she got pushed off the chair.  In the end, the three of us just had a good cry.

Sunday was a lovely day.  Gabriel and I pretty much just laid around watching moves all day.  Gabriel has had a craving for junk food – potato chips, popcorn, etc.  I lost track of how many bags of popcorn I popped on Sunday.  It was just nice to hang out with him.  I could use many many more days like that – well, sans the copious amounts of snack foods.

Sunday Rebeka cracked me up.  She wanted to wear a dress and was just completely cute.

She was also very proud of herself for climbing up and being a dare devil on the ottoman, despite my admonishments and warnings.  But, really, she’s so stinking cute, what can a mother do but set reasonable limitations.

And, go with the flow.

The other difficulties with this weekend were the reality of the limitations on the things Gabriel loves to do.  It was an awesome weekend, beautiful.  Gabriel and Chet were hanging out in the yard and Gabriel suggested that he and his dad start working on getting the garden ready for spring.  Man, it sucks to have to say “no” to the kid, but we just can’t risk it right now with his immune system being so low.  It totally sucks, who would have imagined a month ago that we would have to tell Gabriel “no” to digging in the yard.

Freak an A.

So, tomorrow Gabriel and Chet head to Oakland for Gabe’s last bone marrow aspiration.  It’s hard for me not to be going down there with them.  I hate that.  My type-A personality hates it.  But, this trip they have to go on their own. It will be a fun time for them to spend together, Dad and Gabriel.

Next week there is an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist and we should be starting Gabriel’s next round of treatment – consolidation.  We don’t know what is in store yet for us with that.  We are hoping to know as soon as possible what treatment plan he’ll be assigned to.  Again, it’s the unknown that is killing me.  Man, definitely NOT the disease to have a control freak type-A personality with as a parent.  But, I’ll be going down with them next week, and that’s a good thing.  I’ll be grilling the oncologist.  Poor doctor will probably be feeling like he’s being deposed, but that’s what they get when they get my kid as a patient.  I will grill them, ask questions until I’m satisfied that the treatment plan they have for him is the best and least invasive manner in which to achieve our goal of a cure.

Despite the difficult emotions we have all been dealing with these past several days, Gabriel is doing well.  He’s doing really well.  His Broviac port has healed well and he just is stinking cute.

I just need to keep looking at the bright sides of things and realize that in the grand scheme of things, this is only a short journey.  God has a plan for us, shortcuts won’t get us to our ultimate destination any faster, as there is a purpose for the experiences, trials and struggles we are dealing with.  There is truly a purpose and plan, a grand and glorious plan.

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