We made it. The clock is started and the first dose of Nelarabine is done.
Gabriel and I made it to Children’s Hospital Oakland this afternoon around 4:30, and I don’t know why I’m always so surprised by how humbling it is to be here. Within less than two hours of being back in the hospital I’m given example after example of how fortunate we have been and are throughout this entire process. There is something about being reminded that we have been blessed beyond measure and no matter how rough our journey has been at times, our experience is really been easy compared to many many families. Yet, thinking about how truly difficult this has been at times, I can’t even imagine how much more difficult some have it.
I don’t know why we’ve been so blessed. The entirety of our experience has often forced me to reflect on some of the most difficult questions of my faith. Why does God permit bad things to happen to kids? Why do some kids suffer? How can a loving God allow such adversity, difficulty and pain?
Truth is, I haven’t been able to answer my own questions. I don’t know why. But, I do know that for us, this experience has given us so much perspective. I’ve become more compassionate to other people’s circumstances. And I know that through the difficult days, we’ve been given opportunities to grow, each as individuals and together as a family. And as backwards as it sounds, I truly believe that through LOVE, we’re forced to experience hardship because we grow and have experiences we wouldn’t ever otherwise have. By knowing and experiencing the hardship, we’ve learned LOVE. Not the emotion of love, but the action; LOVE as a verb.
It doesn’t make sense. And, my heart hurts so much for some of the families here. And, as cliche as it is, “no pain, no gain.” We have truly gained so much through all of the pain we have had. I can’t say that is the same for every child and their family. But, for us we have been so blessed by cancer.
Don’t get me wrong, if I could un-ring this bell, I think I would. I HATE so much about it. But, I can’t change the truth of our reality, and with the harsh elements of the truth, have been incredible experiences that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Tonight start the official countdown to maintenance. I am so grateful to be here. Not only at this point in Gabe’s treatment, but here at the hospital. We are surrounded by amazing nurses, doctors, and people here. It feels oddly “comfortable” to show up. All that we have standing between us and maintenance is 4 more doses of Nelarabine, a dose of Cytoxin, 8 doses of ARaC, two more spinal taps/lumbar punctures, one dose of Vincristin, one round of Peg-in-the-leg, and the wait for Gabe’s counts to come back up. That’s it, and it’s so encouraging.
The Endless Evolution 
One of the best saying’s I’ve ever heard, “If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.”
You are right what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. And as backwards as this might sound I know Gabriel is meant to do great things, and THIS is something that will drive him later in life to achieve those things. THIS experience will give him the empathy he needs to accomplish the things he is meant to accomplish. He is an amazing child, with a bright and wonderful future. It is our experiences that make us the people we become. He will have a berth of experience to draw from when he goes out and makes this world a better place for everyone. It is our privilege, and especially mine, to know him, and you all. Because Gabriel is already inspiring those that know him to be the best they can be. And to be stronger humans.
God bless you and Gabe.
Thanks so much for keeping us updated on Gabe*s progress. We are delighted he*s in the final stages of this journey.
The Fairbank family is in our prayers always…..Patti and Frank Borghetti