So, Apparently It Was Bound To Happen

Since Gabriel was diagnosed with leukemia, there really has only been one word that has struck fear in our hearts – FEVER.  A fever means hospitalization, the possibility of an air ambulance trip to Oakland, a lot of unknown.  In our efforts to keep this nasty word out of our vocabulary when dealing with Gabriel, we have been extraordinarily vigilant about protecting Gabriel.  As people close to us know, we have been totally isolated Gabriel and ourselves.

Literally, Gabriel goes to clinic, or the hospital, and our house.  Since his diagnosis, he’s been to my parents house once, in one large store and one small store.  That’s it.

So, imagine our despair when Thursday evening we had to face the dreaded “F” word.  No, not that “F” word …the fever word.  Yes, Thursday, Gabriel got a fever.  Fear, anxiety and uncertainty were flooding over Chet and I as we tried to come to grips with the reality.  So after several calls with Oakland Children’s on-call oncologist, Gabriel and I finally headed off to Saint Mary’s E.R.  The entire drive to the hospital, I was just praying that we wouldn’t end up no an air ambulance and that we were wrong, that there wasn’t a fever.

Unfortunately, we weren’t wrong.  So, after several hours at the E.R., the decision was finally made to transfer Gabriel to Renown Medical Center to be admitted.  The decision to transfer him was based on the fact that Saint Mary’s pediatric ICU wasn’t capable of caring for him since he’s extremely neutropenic.  We finally got out of Saint Mary’s and over to Renown around 3am.  What a l-o-n-g night.

We don’t know what the cause of his fever is.  But we do know a few things.  We know that his ANC is very low, but yesterday’s low point of 144 was the bottom as today we’re moving back up and Gabriel still has a fever.  We will still be here until the fever is gone and his ANC is at an acceptably high enough level, and that will likely be several days, if not a better part of a week.

The difficulty with this isn’t so much the fact Gabriel has a fever.  The fever in a lot of ways is just par for the course in kids with leukemia, so we’re told. In fact, EVERYONE has been very surprised that this is our first time here with a fever.  So, in a lot of ways, I guess that’s just what we should have expected.  The difficulty is US.

We have tried so hard to avoid this.  We are neurotic about sanitation, cleaning, isolation, minimizing any risky contact.  And, yet, I feel like I’ve failed Gabriel in some way since this has happened.  Everyone has said that you can do everything right, and there is just no way to prevent a fever from happening at some point in time.  But, I am frustrated, because I still feel like somehow, we did something wrong.  Somehow something made it through our defenses, and it makes me upset.  I NEVER wanted this to happen, and yet it did.

We will probably never know the cause.  They are doing blood cultures, and as of now, there results are negative.  They keep doing cultures while we’re here to make sure something doesn’t “pop up.”  And, it could be anything causing this.  So, now we just sit and wait it out.

If you will continue to pray for Gabriel.  Please pray that his ANC counts come back up quickly and that this fever breaks soon.  Pray for Chet and I to have continued strength and perseverance as we continue to face new challenges and hurdles in this journey.  Pray for Gabriel to just be comfortable and know that the isolation and loneliness will be over soon and that life again will be normal.